


You were red,

by CallieOopsies



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Headcanon, Persona 5: The Royal, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, aesthetic fix-it, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27489670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallieOopsies/pseuds/CallieOopsies
Summary: and we made a lilac sky, but that wasn’t enough for me
Kudos: 20





	You were red,

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta’d, coz it’s a vent fic.  
> So. This is just my headcanon. Or, well, less of a headcanon, more of a “what if?” So this is just me, doing experiments. And ahhhh this isn’t as coherent as i wanted it to be. I feel like i had a point, but prob didnt get it across that well. Oh well, hope u enjoy my extended vent.

* * *

I was red.

Because I thought I could find a solution in you. 

But that wasn’t true,

And for that I bled,

For trying to make myself into you.

* * *

When the spell first broke, it was unbearable to be Sumire again.

It continued to be unbearable when Maruki-sensei woke her up to hear senpai’s decision. 

So she fought. Fought for the thing she wanted, like she believed everyone should do. The way she wasn’t able to back before Maruki-sensei “helped” her. She fought for it passionately, desperately, with everything she had. Because being Sumire was just so unimaginably unbearable that she couldn’t even consider going back to that.

Not when she knew how much better it felt to be Kasumi.

In the end, she lost. Even with Maruki-sensei’s “assistance.”

Of course she did, how could she have won. When the strength of Persona came from the strength within oneself. And she had nothing to fuel the fires of her own rebellion. When she had no rebellion. Nothing to rebel against. Nothing to fight for. Not even herself. Her personhood. 

How could she have won when she gave up her very identity? All just so she could feel better. 

So she didn’t have to bear with being the cause of her sister’s death.

So she lost.

And she went home.

Then she went to school.

Then she went to school.

Then she saw Akechi-san, in the Shujin tracksuit, going into the nurse’s office. 

And didn’t leave. 

So she went over to see what was going on.

So she heard what the little girl in the blue dress told the Phantom Thieves, heard them discuss their plans.

Then she ran, scared of nothing.

Then she went home, welcomed by no one. 

It had only been two days, just two days.

Being Sumire was so unbearable.

She knew they were going to Maruki-sensei’s Palace after school, so she headed to Odaiba after her class finished. She tied her hair up, knowing that she would have to move around a lot in the Palace. Best get that out of the way before the others arrive. The app on her phone took her to the same location it did when she explored the Palace with senpai and Akechi-san. 

She was in her uniform. 

Why was she in her uniform?

Before she could think too deeply about what her clothes could mean, she heard footsteps behind her. 

It was time. 

“Oh, it’s...” 

She heard Mona-senpai said as she turned to the Phantom Thieves. 

“Hello, everyone,” she said. 

“Sumire...? Why are you here?” Senpai asked. 

She smiled, looking at the Phantom Thieves behind him, she could see them staring at her with varying degrees of shock and surprise. Akechi-san seemed to be unphased. Bored. Maybe even a little annoyed. That seemed to be his default ever since, after the new year. 

“You’re going to fight Maruki-sensei, yes?” She asked, looking at senpai, “Please, take me with you.”

Mona-senpai looked at her clothes with a degree of worry, she knew what he was going to say next. 

“I’m done running away,” she said before Mona-senpai could object. “I’m _done_ hiding from myself.” 

She could feel what senpai called the flames of rebellion ignited within her. 

The one fighting against the very part that hated being Sumire. 

The one that she suffocated with the aid of Maruki-sensei. 

No more. 

She wasn’t going to make that mistake anymore. 

No matter how hard, how tiring, how **_unbearable_ ** it was to be Sumire, that was who she was. And nothing was going to keep her from being Sumire, being herself. Not Maruki-sensei, not herself. No one.

“I _want_ to live as Sumire.” she declared as flames envelop her and she felt her clothes changing. 

“Color me impressed!” Mona-senpai said, sounding very impressed. 

Sakamoto-senpai agreed and senpai welcomed her into the team. Everyone seemed to look... accepting.

“Thank you,” she said like a sigh. She felt like a certain weight was lifted off her shoulders. Just a little. 

Before Mona-senpai brought up codenames and her lack of having one. She realized, looking at everyone in front of her, including Akechi-san, that she was the only one without. Even Akechi-san who said he wasn’t a Phantom Thief had a codename. 

“What about ‘Violet’?” Senpai said.

“Oh, that’s right! ‘Sumire’ in English means ‘Violet. Yeah, that sounds awesome!” Takamaki-senpai smiled at her and it felt a little easier to _be_ Sumire. 

“‘Violet’... Yes, let’s go with that!” She said, smiling at everyone.

Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. 

She got separated from the Thieves, surrounded by shadows, and Cendrillon would not come to her. Again, she was at the mercy of others' compassion. Again, she realized, as much as she said she accepted being Sumire, a part of her, a part deep down that has beaten her over and over again, _still hated_ Sumire. She had to stand firm. She knew she had to. If not now, then when would she ever have the chance to see her determination, her will, manifest before her eyes. 

She knew she would need this after this was all over.

When days will get hard.

When it becomes unbearable to be Sumire again.

When she needed a reminder of just how strong she was, _as Sumire_. 

This, this _thing_ inside her, this hatred for herself, it was hers. It was part of Sumire. No matter how much she wanted to reject it, it was her. If she was going to embrace _being_ Sumire, she was going to have to embrace _this_ part too. Embrace it, take it, use it. Use it to keep pushing herself, pushing Sumire to keep going, keep trying, keep reaching for more. 

**_More._ **

And maybe...

Maybe then... 

Maybe she would finally be able to be Sumire without holding back.

To be Sumire.

Be so proudly, unashamedly, undeniably Sumire, that there would never be any reason for any part of her to hate Sumire ever again. 

No matter what.

She reached for her mask.

“The weak, insecure Sumire dies today!”

And tugged, and tugged, and **_tugged_ **. 

Until she ripped it all away.

And all that was left,

was Sumire.

She was exhausted by the time she finally got back home. Not the way she was when senpai saved her from the Palace. But more like how she felt after a particularly arduous training session. 

She bent down to put her shoes away. Out the corner of her eye, she saw something fall to the floor. When she turned to look, she saw that it was the red ribbon she’d been holding onto since Kasumi’s death. 

Kasumi’s signature red hair ribbon.

One that she’d been using the entire time while she was under Maruki-sensei’s spell.

One that made her Kasumi.

She bent over to pick up the ribbon. Holding it in her hand, looking at how striking the red looked in contrast to the pale color of the palm of her hand, she wondered how something so little could have so much power.

Or... how she gave so much power to something so little. So fragile. 

She headed to the bathroom and stared Yoshizawa Sumire right in the eye.

Then she took off her glasses. 

Things got a little blurry, but not by much. 

Her eyesight wasn’t that bad. It was improving actually, because of the blue filter coating on her lenses that protected her eyes from too much damage. Unlike Kasumi’s, whose eyes seem to have gotten worse over time, due to her preference for contact lenses. Which meant that Kasumi didn’t have anything to protect her eyes from deteriorating further and further. 

She looked back up at the mirror in front of her. 

Yoshizawa Sumire stared back.

Maybe it was in the expression she was making. Maybe there was an air of melancholy to her eyes. Maybe it was just her hair.

Did the way she tied her hair really make that much of a difference?

She looked back down at the ribbon in her hand.

Time to find out. 

Looking at the mirror again, she brought the ribbon up behind her head to gather her hair with it. Before tying it into a bow around her hair, pulling it into a ponytail. 

Suddenly, Yoshizawa Kasumi was staring back at her. 

She blinked and Kasumi blinked with her. 

Was that really all it took? 

For all that was Sumire to get swallowed up and buried away by something as small as a red little bow. 

In front of her, Kasumi started to frown. 

It was an ugly one. Full of anger, and disappointment, and frustration. 

Looking away from the mirror, Sumire unhappily yanked the ribbon out of her hair.

Enough.

Enough was enough. 

She’s had enough of this. 

_“The weak, insecure Sumire dies today.”_

She had said in the Palace. 

She’s done being invisible. 

She was going to make her mark, as Yoshizawa Sumire. 

And no one, **_no one_ **, will ever mistake her for anyone other than Sumire ever again.

She will become so undeniably Sumire, that no one could ever imagine her to be any other way.

She looked down at the ribbon that was in her hand once more, before putting it away in her bag. 

She had things to do. Kasumi’s memento was something she could deal with later. For now, she simply grabbed her bag, and headed to her room. With an idea forming in her mind, she went straight to her closet, reaching deep inside for a long forgotten memory.

She knew what she had to do.

What she wanted to do. 

She sat down on the edge of the bathtub as she read the instructions on the box, while a YouTube video played in the background, ventilation fan turned on. She’d done this with Kasumi before. Done it and failed. Done it again, without Kasumi, and succeeded. Only to get scared and change it back to normal. 

She wasn’t going to turn back this time. 

She grabbed the scissors from their hairdressing kit.

She might have to take a day off from school tomorrow, if she wanted to do this right, she thought to herself, bringing the scissors up to where she tied her hair. 

She definitely wanted to do this right. 

Sumire cut her hair. And cut her hair. And cut her hair.

It wasn’t as short as she wanted it to be, but she didn’t exactly have the skills to give herself the haircut she wanted. That would have to be dealt with at a later date. For now, she stared at the red-haired girl with a messy choppy bob cut in the mirror, for now this would have to do. Turning her head this way and that, she decided to clean up some of the choppy bits that didn’t look very intentional later. 

After the dye. 

It wasn’t a difficult process. Just a time consuming one, with a lot of waiting. She waited for the test patch to lighten. Then she waited for the rest of her hair to lighten. Then washing, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. 

Her parents stared at her at dinner as she waited. 

It wasn’t as bad as the last time they tried, and she was pretty sure they were staring at the length more than the blonde color her hair had turned into. 

Then finally dying her hair the next day, then more waiting, and waiting, and waiting, before washing it.

Finally, she looked at herself in the mirror. 

She wasn’t quite sure who stared back, with her wobbly smile and her bright eyes. But, she thought as the smile turned more confident, she didn’t think she would mind finding out. 

It turned out that she wasn’t the only one who was interested to find out as her new hair drew the attention of her classmates in ways that the ‘Kasumi’ was never able to. 

Somehow, the bright blue hair she had was apparently much more approachable than the enthusiastically optimistic ‘Kasumi.’

“Senpai! Over here!” She raised her hand up to wave until the nest of curly, messy bed hair turned in her direction.

Senpai stood still for a moment, before making his way towards her. She brought a hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear, before remembering that her hair was a lot shorter now, even shorter than when she first cut it now that she had the chance to visit a salon for a proper styling. 

“Your hair...” senpai began, and a part of her was nervous all over again. 

Despite knowing what she wanted, despite choosing to go through with it.

Despite the fact that she was happy with what she chose.

“It suits you,” he said.

His approval shouldn’t matter so much, but it did. It should bother her that she wanted his approval, but it didn’t. Because it wasn’t _just_ approval she wanted, she wanted acknowledgement. That she was moving forward, that she was working hard, that she was happy to be Sumire. 

She felt warm all over and smiled brightly at him. 

“Thank you, senpai!” She said, before continuing, “and thank you for always reminding me not to work too hard! I figured, since we should be relaxing, and I’ve just changed up my hair quite drastically... would you mind shopping with me again?” 

Senpai smiled kindly and nodded. 

Maybe she was overthinking, but she swore she could see a bit of pride in his expression. If so, good, she hoped he was proud of her progress. Sumire was proud of her progress too.

She turned and led them towards one of the clothing stores nearby.

“I wanted to have a second opinion. I’ve never really picked anything by myself. It had always been Kasumi picking things for the both of us, or her picking something for herself, before I decided to go for the same thing. Because I wanted to be like her, be with her, just...

“I guess, it was just easier. And fun. A lot more fun when I could be around Kasumi and do things with her.” 

She sighed. 

“She meant a lot to you,” senpai voiced the nebulous feelings she had for Kasumi out loud. 

“Yes!” She turned around to look at senpai, “it wasn’t that we never went with what that I wanted. Kasumi just knew what she wanted faster than I did.” 

Senpai nodded.

She wondered if he ever had to deal with something similar, as they entered the store. Maybe he did, and that’s how he became so understanding of her situation. Maybe he was just that good at empathizing with her, so he never had to experience it himself. 

Regardless, she knew she could trust him to help her with this. After all, senpai had always been so open to learning and experiencing new things, always been able to choose if he’d liked it or not after said experience. 

She couldn’t think of anyone better than him to help her with this. 

By the end of the trip, she ended up with several new outfits. She might have overdid it a little, but she had so much fun trying out new outfits, seeing which ones worked well with her new hair, with her skin tone, with her comfort level. 

Her favorite might have been the purple dress. 

The first one she picked out. 

The one she wore when senpai teased her to ease her nerves.

“Akechi-san, wait!” She called out before he could leave. 

He was always in a hurry to leave right after they finished a part of their mission for the day. Never stuck around for small talk or anything. Perhaps he was busy, perhaps he was always busy, but she really needed to speak with him now, while she had the chance. 

“What is it?” He asked.

“Akechi-san, if it’s alright, could you call me Sumire?”

She asked him because he called her Yoshizawa. He’s always called her Yoshizawa. 

He also called her dad Yoshizawa.

She was also Yoshizawa when she was Kasumi.

Maybe the consistency should sooth her, but now it just made her feel uneasy.

Trapped. 

Like she was being bound, limited to one label. One that she didn’t choose for herself. 

She’s chosen her label now. And she wanted him to call her so. 

Red eyes stared at her, watching, observing. 

It made her wonder if the color will haunt her forever.

“Alright. Sumire-san, was it?”

He spoke with casual indifference. The same way he always does when he spoke with her, to her, at her. In the same harsh but neutral tone that he’d been using since the beginning of this year. A world’s difference from how he spoke whenever she crossed paths with him last year. 

He once talked about how he had to do certain things, act certain ways, and eat certain foods to keep his public image. 

She wondered if the Akechi Goro she met last year wasn’t Akechi Goro at all, but was simply The Second Coming of the Detective Prince. 

But... it couldn’t have all been entirely fake. At the very least, Akechi-san remained the same intelligent, sharp witted, and even sharper tongued individual that he was before. Just with a lot less words thrown in to soften the blow.

She wondered if this Akechi Goro was the real one.

Probably not. 

She doubted it. 

She doubted that Akechi-san would be someone so simple that he could simply be separated into two, The Detective Prince and The Real Akechi Goro. And she doubted that he would allow his true self to be seen so easily. She wasn’t under any false assumption that she was someone he trusted enough to allow himself to be vulnerable with. And she definitely didn’t know him well enough that she would be able to see through all his layers and complexities.

Besides, it wasn’t beyond her notice that Akechi-san had seemed stressed since the very first time she saw him again. Then again, it was hard to imagine what Akechi-san would be like without stress. 

She wondered if she would ever get to see the real Akechi Goro. Wondered why he went along with her request so easily. Wondered why she let herself be so vulnerable with him.

Maybe it’s because she could trust him to understand what this meant. 

Maybe he understood her. 

Maybe that’s why it felt like acceptance.

“Thank you, Akechi-san.” 

She said, bowing slightly. She knew Akechi-san wasn’t exactly a patient person, and she’s already taken up enough of his time in doing this. So she disengaged and turned around. 

Just as she did that, Akechi-san spoke up again.

“If you plan to stick with this color for a while, I’d suggest that you perhaps consider getting a new pair of glasses?” 

His suggestion made her stop. 

Her hand automatically went to touch at her bangs, then her glasses. She turned back slightly, to look at Akechi-san, who was looking back at her. 

He’s still here. 

Watching her.

Waiting for her reaction, her response, her answer. Like it mattered to him. 

Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t. But the fact that he was still here meant a lot to her anyways. 

Maybe it shouldn’t. The Phantom Thieves didn’t seem to like him very much, even if senpai seemed to hold him in very high regards. Then again. She wasn’t a Phantom Thief. And neither was he. So what did the opinions of the Phantom Thieves matter anyways.

She took her glasses off to look at them. Plain neutral black frames. They looked nice on her. But maybe Akechi-san was right. She had a new look now. One that was neither plain nor neutral. 

She nodded to herself.

“You’re right, Akechi-san. I think I do need new glasses.”

She said. Then turned to smile gratefully at him before an idea crossed her mind. Excited by the exhilarating thought, she marched right back into Akechi-san space. Something he didn’t expect her to do, if she was to guess from his reaction. 

“In that case, Akechi-san, would you mind helping me pick out a new pair of glasses?”

He squinted and scowled at her. Like he was fighting between feeling confused and frustrated. Or maybe it was both that he was feeling. 

“...now?”

He said slowly. Face still scrunched up in that mix of frustrated confusion.

Her eyes grew large. 

“Oh! No, no, not now of course.” 

She shook her head vigorously. No wonder he looked frustrated _and_ confused. 

“I meant after we finished the Palace! If you have the time, I’d like you to join me!”

He was still squinting at her.

“Why not just go with _him_?”

It was obvious that Akechi-san was talking about senpai. Not just because of the way he said it, but also due to the fact that they both hung out with the same one person, and not any of the rest of the Phantom Thieves.

“Because he already came to help me out with my new look. And I want it to be with you this time.” 

Ah, that’s right. There wasn’t any deep or big meaningful reason. She simply wanted Akechi-san there. If he would allow it.

The squint turned into a frown. Before he let out an agitated huff. 

“We’ll see.”

Then, with a woosh, he turned and walked away. 

She smiled and turned as well, taking her leave to go home.

‘We’ll see’ indeed.

* * *

I am Sumire.

I am Violet. 

I am blue.

~~(but I’ll always keep a bit of red with me, in memory of you)~~

**Author's Note:**

> The focus of this, and what inspired this, came from the fact that Sumire went back to not wearing glasses and putting her hair up in a ribbon again. Thus, making her look no different from her sister or how she looked at the beginning of the game, again. And while I understand why she did, from what she said herself to justify this change, it felt like she was taking a step back. Going back to how she was before her growth through the social link with Joker.
> 
> The decision to have her dye her hair blue was kind of a thought that popped up in my head that came out of frustration of the lack of character growth being expressed in a visual manner. Especially when the came has shown multiple times that that Sumire is associated with blue or purple or cool tone colors. So I figured, why not dye her hair blue, coz fuck it, why not?
> 
> I tried to base what I wrote on what we know about Sumire from the game, but well, it’s a fanfic, so I twisted stuff to make it work for the fic too XD
> 
> But yea, that’s all this was. Hope you enjoyed this?


End file.
